"It’s not that I don’t like John Williams, it’s just that I am too aware of the superior composers from whom he steals his ideas. My understanding of his music is on a higher level than that of the average person, which diminishes my ability to enjoy him."

- A Human

Limekiln Canyon

My first entry in my series of haunted San Fernando Valley parks is about the Limekiln Canyon trail in the Northwest Valley, AKA Porter Ranch.

Developed in the mid-90s through the early 00s, Porter Ranch is a postcard community that proves the age-old adage true: The Valley is America’s suburb. Featuring convenient shopping centers, a YMCA and even a few decent places to eat, Porter Ranch inhabits a vision of America mostly lost to financial depressions, endless war and other sad things that have happened here.

Limekiln Canyon can be accessed from several points, the most convenient being on Rinaldi right off of Tampa. While not a “park” in the strictest sense (it would be difficult to play a friendly game of baseball here) it is a public space intended for recreation.

How haunted is this park? A few years ago, I went running through the canyon with a friend. I was feeling good, really getting into a nice relaxed pace. I think the entities that inhabit the canyon picked up on my good vibes and got PISSED about it, because I tripped on a root or a rock or something and went down HARD.

I’ve never had a fall like that in my life. I fell so hard that for about 30 seconds I couldn’t breathe, and I almost puked. Of course if it had happened to somebody else, it would have been at least somewhat comical, but it didn’t. It happened to me, and whatever is haunting that Canyon is responsible.

Limekiln is a nice place to take a walk, but I would recommend against exuding too much energy here, unless you want to take a fall so hard you could potentially evacuate the contents of your stomach and/or bowels.

Stay tuned for more, coming up!